George Wash Smells Like Shit, Loves BuzzFeed
Crying babies, newlyweds, terrorists–these are all individuals whom you do not want to sit next to on a plane. Now add to the list America’s first president.
After a delightful holiday trip to New Mexico–or, according to your mother, Mexico–with your work wife, you’ll have the honor of sitting next to G. Dubbs himself en route to the nation’s capital. His wig smells as though it has not been removed since the French & Indian war and his cape (that’s the historically accurate term, right?) is ALL up in your business. And you can forget about sharing the arm rest.
Still, you have to give the man credit. His attention to colonial detail is exquisite, if not displeasing to the nostrils. But then this dude has the audacity to pull out an iPad. Oh, HELL no.
George will spend the rest of the flight alternatively adjusting his tri-corner hat and taking Golden Girls BuzzFeed quizzes. You’ll spend your time trying not to punch out his stupid, stanky wooden teeth.
(He’s Blanche. Go figure.)