The Loch Ness Monster Lives (And Has a Mullet)
There’s a monster in the town of Loch Ness, and it’s not a misrepresented and playful sea creature. No, it’s a man named Brian.
You’ll meet Brian and his two buddies, Jamie and Barry, while frequenting a Scottish pub. Brian suffers from male-pattern baldness while simultaneously boasting a confident mullet. He also fancies himself a pool shark and will insist on showing your friend the way around a billiards table. What follows is as intimate and unpleasant a private lesson as one would imagine.
Afterward, Brian–ever the gentleman–will invite you and your two friends on a “tour” of the dam they’re building in town. It’s like they’re not even pretending that you won’t be chopped up into bits. Not keen on being folded up into a freezer like a pretzel, you’ll politely decline.
You’ll live to see another day, and the real Loch Ness monster will keep a’ hunting.